Two weeks or ten weeks of holiday time ahead. Planning, rescheduling, and organising your day will and can be such a challenge. Especially if you are all working.
You may have a stepfamily where the children are from your partners' prior marriage, your own and your partners' children from previous marriages, and you may have children together. This adds to those challenges.
Whatever the situation is, it is a lot more complex than a biological family where everyone lives under one roof. Any number of emotions can come up.
Gratitude is the answer.
Appreciating the people in your life, individual circumstances, and yourself, you will fill yourself with a bit more joy and happiness than was there before.
Gratitude needs to be cultivated.
- Foster gratitude – bring joy and happiness to yourself and to others
- Manage expectations – form new traditions and rituals unique to your new stepfamily
- Plan your holiday meals – planning and delegating together in advance
- Enjoy time together – eat well, sleep well, see friends, and keep delegating
- Learn to communicate – listen to understand rather than to respond
Change your negative thinking to a more positive attitude. This will help with irritation and challenging times. It takes practice, and the holidays offer plenty of opportunities to try it out.
Remember to thank yourself for who you are and admire the personal progress you've made is just as significant as an outward expression of gratitude. You're important too!
Managing expectations is essential. Maybe the last holidays didn't go that well. There may be unresolved issues with a particular family member. This can add to the pressure to put on a happy face or sweep things under the rug. Allow yourself the freedom to spend time with who you choose. Set boundaries regarding how long you want to be with someone and be clear on what topics of conversation you are comfortable with. Know your limitations. This will help manage your expectations and other's expectations of you too. Enjoy and be yourself.
Take time to check in with yourself each day. How you are feeling, and are you anticipating and worrying about things that have not yet occurred. This creates anxiety.
Focusing on the present moment allows space to honour loss or issues from the past. Remaining in the present moment is one of many tools you can add to your resources to help you navigate difficult situations and uncomfortable feelings during the holidays.
Meals times are an essential part of any holiday, a time to come together, indoors, outdoors or at your favourite restaurant. Often in the holidays, our 'healthy’ eating habits are let slide. Hey, it's the holidays, let's eat what we want!
Discuss meals together, make everyone part of the decisions around eating together. The shopping, and creating meals, how you are going to feed everyone and enjoy the event. It's all part of building happy memories of your holiday time together. Be mindful around your meals, a treat here and there, but remain healthy even in holiday time. Choose wellness during the holidays.
We can feel fulfilled, loved, and accomplished during the holidays, and often we can feel more stress than pleasure. There can often be a sense of dread leading up to the holidays. Being surrounded by family, especially those who don't live with us full time, can be overwhelming and often difficult to navigate. Trying to stay 'jolly' when we really don't feel it at all. We must remember to take care of ourselves to reduce tension.
Getting enough sleep, eating well, and maintaining an exercise is essential to enjoying the holiday. Setting boundaries by saying 'no' sometimes can make all the difference. Initiate plans when you can to do things on your own terms, rather than succumbing to other people's schedules. Don't overextend yourself and remember to ask for help! Get a massage, read a book, or take a time-out to watch your favourite movie. Remember to stay true to yourself.
Ensuring your holiday is filled with joy and fun, keep in mind and practice empathetic and interest while communicating with others. Be part of the creation of this attitude. Try not to get into blaming, criticising, complaining or judgment. Speak honestly, using 'I feel, I want to share my experience about…I feel anxious and stressed with all your behaviour'. Rather than, 'you always, you should…'. Try not to bring up the past when it is not even relevant to a current situation. This can trigger old memories and history. Stay in the present moment. Avoid allowing emotions to overtake the problem and blind us from seeing what solutions are available.
Healthy communication is the key to a successful relationship, and it takes practice. Be gentle with yourself and try to have a positive intention to have this holiday time with all and share joy and love. If you remain respectful and consider others, it will help in others reciprocating the same.
