I have experience working with children of all ages and work with them to relieve the stress, anxiety and confusion that occur due to living in a new or existing stepfamily. So often I have clients come to me with an issue in their stepfamily that is to do with one or more of the children. The children seem to carry the load so often for the family because of either negative or disrespectful behaviour they display.
We work on feelings with conflict of loyalties and loss of the world they once knew. How the child feels if he or she likes the step mum, or doesn’t like the stepfather. They may wonder, who looks after me now? Children need time to unravel their feelings, concerns, fears and hopes; I provide a safe and comfortable place for these concerns.
Children also need time to transition from the world they knew, and into a world they did not having anything to do with. Children can take a lot longer than adults to transition into the new family life and may disrupt the family and ignore or disrespect new intruders into their life.
An adolescent’s need for autonomy and trying to struggle with their identity can disrupt the families desire for unity. Perhaps they were given more independence in their family of origin and now there are more rules and discipline they are expected to adhere to. This adjustment can be extremely difficult.
Children in stepfamilies are expected to understand and abide by rules, schedules, routines and parenting in two different households. Often igniting memories of their original home and want and wish their parents would reunite. Younger children may feel that their behaviour was the cause for their parents separating.
A child may have been the eldest in their family and find themselves all of a sudden a younger member having to readjust and get on with their stepbrother or sister. The children, as much as the adults need nurturing and understanding to guide them through the various stages of unifying and stabilising the various relationships and bringing the family together.
